1997 Radio On Commentary
Ted’s Radio On ‘97
“All for You,” Sister Hazel - 3
I just found out this isn’t Blues Traveller. Even worse, I discovered that I like the new Blues Traveller song, which is getting lots of play down here thanks to the Carolina connection. I have to admit it, that big fat annoying guy can play the blues harp. Better yet, when his mouth’s on it, he can’t sing. On this other hand, this Sister Hazel song sucks.
“Alone,” Bee Gees - 3
How can artists roll along with talent to burn for so many years, then just dry up so quickly? Ask Paul McCartney, I guess. I mean, these guys survived everything from the British Invasion (Australian Division) to disco. So why couldn’t they roll with the ‘80s, backlash or no? I always want to like new Bee Gees records, but David Foster is no Arif Mardin. By the way, did you see Barry’s hair on VH-1? I guess the 70s really are over.
“Around the World,” Daft Punk - 6
I caught this on MTV Asia while Kate and I were in Greece this summer. Why Greece gets MTV Asia instead of MTV Europe, I don’t know, but it gave us the chance to catch lots of really cool Bollywood videos. They also mixed techno right in with the heavy rotation, just like it was pop music or something. Imagine that. Maybe someday, America will be ready once again for the aural challenge of C&C Music Factory, too. This track, like so much of its brethren, is a little noodly for a single, but then, they can’t all be block rockin’ beats, can they?
“Bitch,” Meredith Brooks - 5
If I admit that I feel sorry for the guy in this relationship, do I have to turn in my Liz Phair records? By the way, does anybody know what Liz’s response has been to those 7-Up commercials that parrot her so shamelessly, only as Liz-goes-Carribbean? I can’t decide whether she’d be flattered or appalled. I can’t decide which I’d want her to be, either.
“Block Rockin’ Beats,” the Chemical Brothers - 10
Almost as cool as the track I used to blast in my bedroom and run around in my pajamas to when I was 8, “The Theme from S.W.A.T.” So these guys are a cult item while Prodigy is #1 because they don’t have a face, right? So what’s the problem, are Rob and Fab too busy to join up?
“Breathe,” Prodigy - 4
I admit, Maverick’s marketing job on these guys has been awesome. I thought hyping the amazing “Firestarter” when there was no actual album to sell would burn out peoples’ interest prematurely. Instead, it got them so pumped up they’ve accepted this trifling follow-up and pounced on the underwhelming album. I hear Prodigy’s starting to bitch about being too cool to be on Madonna’s label. Is this just part of the brilliant hire-a-punky-front-man-for-personality scheme, where his job is to leer at the camera, spike his hair, and bitch about authenticity? I can’t believe the bored-looking guy in the videos responsible for all the racket gives much of a crap.
“Butterfly Kisses,” Bob Carlisle - 3
Have I been listening to too much Van Morrison, or does this song just scream “pedophilia”?
“Can U Feel It,” 3rd Party - HH (sorry, I can’t)
“A Change Would Do You Good,” Sheryl Crow - 3
The album is actually pretty solid, but boy, is this plodding on radio.
“C U When U Get There,” Coolio - 5
Rap-goes-classical is a great idea, although this doesn’t really get there.
“The Difference,” the Wallflowers - 7
A great track, marred by incessant overplay in these parts.
“Don’t Wanna Be a Player,” Joe - HH, but I’ve seen the album cover - it’s too late, he’s already a player.
“Do You Know (What It Takes),” Robyn - HH (sorry, I don’t)
“5 Miles to Empty,” Brownstone - HH
“Fly,” Sugar Ray - 4
Supercat must resent this particular paycheck - they trot him on the way ‘60s British bands condescendingly jammed with blues greats.
“The Freshmen,” the Verve Pipe - 1
Sophomoric.
“Full of Smoke,” Christion - HH
“G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T.,” Changing Faces - HH
“Gimme Some Love,” Gina G - HH
“Hip Hop Drunkies,” Tha Alkaholiks - HH
“How Do I Live,” Leann Rimes - HH. I actually like BLUE a lot, but I have to admit that the first time I saw the album in a Billboard chart, I assumed Leann Rimes was a gangsta group - you know, “Lean” with an extra “n” like the Dogg Pound, and “Rimes” like Busta. Don’t tell anyone else, OK?
“Hypnotize,” the Notorious B.I.G. - 4
Am I the only one spooked by the way MTV’s decided Biggie’s death doesn’t need to put a crimp in the hype for his videos? “Coming up next, the latest from Biggie Smalls . . . ” “The Notorious B.I.G.’s riding high on the charts this week . . .” Biggie’s not doing anything other than pushing up daisies; it’s Puffy et al who are flogging his corpse. And while this, like almost all of Puffy’s ouvre, does little for me, I have to admit a fondness for “Mo Money, Mo Problems,” which made me realize Puffy’s just the new Hammer. So, does all the gangsta bullshit mean he’s kept it “real” enough to never face a backlash? That’s a bummer - that throwing in tired references to your gatt and your dick is enough to make you an artist, and not just a pop star. Maybe Hanson should take some pointers.
One more thing - what’s the deal with all these overproduced speedboat-chase videos? Is every rapper’s fantasy these days to be in a crappy Simpson-Bruckheimer movie?
“I Belong to You (Every Time I See Your Face),” Rome - HH
“I Can Love You,” Mary J. Blige - HH
“If You Could Only See,” Tonic - HH
“I’ll Be Missing You,” Puff Daddy & Faith Evans - 1
This sets the standard for opportunistic cash-in tributes, blowing past Diana Ross’s “Missing You” and those stupid mid-90s songs about Kurt Cobain. It’s a long way from the glories of “Night Shift.” It also makes you wonder at what point a guy like Sting wouldn’t go, “fuck it, what do I need this guy for? I’ll just rerelease the goddamn track myself.”
“The Impression That I Get,” the Mighty Mighty Bosstones - 8.5
I don’t know how, but they’ve made a ska track that doesn’t get on my nerves. A cure for cancer can’t be far behind . . .
“It’s No Good,” Depeche Mode - 3
I’ll take his word for it.
“Listen,” Collective Soul - 3
No thanks, I’ve got better things to do.
“Look Into My Eyes,” Bone Thugs-n-Harmony - HH, oddly. And I like these guys better than Wu-Tang, too.
“Man That You Fear,” Marilyn Manson - 4
I’ve been kicking myself for forgetting to tape the NBC TV movie version of “The Lottery” starring Dan Cortese that aired this spring. That was probably more fun than this ponderous affair. Marilyn’s such a great phenom; it’s a shonda his music isn’t more interesting.
“Men in Black,” Will Smith - 2
OK, so how come Will doesn’t get flack for “Parents Just Don’t Understand”? Maybe Hanson can end up as event movie stars.
“Midnight in Chelsea,” Jon Bon Jovi - 3
Jon Bon’s latest grasp at maturity consists of bragging about how he’s finally left Jersey behind and moved into the big city. But you know the girls on the corner look at him and think, “bridge and tunnel, all the way.”
“Monkey Wrench,” Foo Fighters - 5
About as unassuming as you’d expect the drummer’s band to be, I guess.
“No One but You,” Veronica - HH
“Not Tonight,” Lil’ Kim - HH
“Paranoid Android,” Radiohead - HH
“Push,” Matchbox 20 - 2
They say the lyrics have nothing to do with domestic violence, which isn’t strictly true. Any metaphor is, at least, partly, about the first meaning as well as the second; “the wine-dark sea” says something not just about the sea, but about wine as well. But it’s hard to get too worked up over these jokers. “I want to take you for granted” - why would you tell someone that? Why would you need to aspire to ignore someone? Either you already take them for granted, or you don’t - it doesn’t take a lot of work to get to that stage.
“Quit Playing Games (With My Heart),” Backstreet Boys - 4
I wish I liked this better, since the phenomenon they’re a part of warms my heart so mightily. Boyzone’s track off the Mr. Bean soundtrack is much better - I love those British teen heartthrobs who always look like they’re pushing 40 and have been through two divorces already. (Alternately, they look like they’re 12 and sound like they’re 70, like Rick Astley.)
“Return of the Mack,” Mark Morrison - HH
Where’d he go? I never noticed him stepping outside.
“Rhythm of Love,” DJ Company - HH, but I always love songs called “Rhythm of Love.”
“Semi-Charmed Life,” Third Eye Blind - 10
This year’s “Santa Monica.” These guys are probably twerps, but man, is this a wonderfully crafted song, with multiple unforgettable hooks, and that great strained-falsetto on “goodbyyyyyyye.” Falsetto - now there’s something grunge bands, for all Kurt’s claims to challenge masculinity, never had the guts to handle. Let’s hear it once more for the return of pop, even if the lead singer thinks he’s still alternative because he’s got a doofy post-goatee Lincolnesque beardlet.
“6 Underground,” Sneaker Pimps - 5
Trip-hop is mostly hype, and probably peaked a couple of years ago with Portishead, but this is still pleasant enough.
“Smile,” Scarface - 3
“Smokin’ Me Out,” Warren G - HH
“Sunny Came Home,” Shawn Colvin - 3
Ugh. Our local pop station has decided to lean toward Adult Album Alternative, which means we’ve heard this and the Tracy Chapman singles nonstop for months. I always had a vague sense that I was supposed to like Shawn Colvin, based, I think, on her haircut. But at this point, there’s not much to choose between her and Katie Couric.
“2 Become 1,” Spice Girls - 7.5
What is there left to say about the Spice Girls? I’ll leave it to others to rave about the wonders of “Wannabe,” the virtues of ass-kicking female role-models, the limitations of British dentistry and skin care. What intrigues me the most at this point in the Spice wave is how feeble the backlash has been. I mean, I’m sure there are plenty of die-hard alterna-weenies out there who bitch about them, but really, what are they holding out for? If they think Ani DiFranco alone can really lead them into the next millennium, well, they’re forfeiting a lot of pleasure along the way.
“We Trying to Stay Alive,” Wyclef Jean - 5.5
It hasn’t taken long for those cliches Spike Jones and his cohort repackaged as meta-cheeze to become as tired as they were the first time around. Those Levi’s tributes to Kojak, for example, don’t do much more that remind you why those shows sucked in the first place. Breaking in some new material here with Saturday Night Fever and “Beat It” helps a little, but already feels way more calculated that, say, Weezer’s “Buddy Holly.” Actually, Jean does better with the musical material itself - the sample may be obvious, but at least he plays with it, and doesn’t just beat it to death the way Puffy would.
“When I Die,” No Mercy - HH - but what is this teenybop band doing with such a metal name?
“Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” Paula Cole - 1
Does she really think John Wayne would’ve put up with this bellyachin’?
“Where’s the Love,” Hanson - 10
I just learned that the Hanson kids are apparently the products of a really hard-core Christian family, complete with home schooling. Which scares me, because it confirms my fear that maybe a good old-fashioned religious upbringing IS the best way to raise your kids. I mean, Rod and Todd Flanders may be dorks, but what’s so wrong about Ned encouraging his children to look at the world with love, caring, and respect? In this case, these kids turned out not only bright-eyed and optimistic, but with enough of a dark side to spend their first single pondering the vagaries of fame with a level of introspection and compassion Leonard Cohen would kill for. I’m sure the spotlight will fuck ‘em up plenty, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they come out the other end intact. Except maybe the little drummer guy. He looks like a troublemaker.
“The World Tonight,” Paul McCartney (ex-Beatle) - 4
“Wrong Way,” Sublime - 3
“You Bring Me Up,” K-Ci & JoJo - HH
“Your Woman,” White Town - 9.5
Somewhere, Taco is happy.